Prompt: slashing_lorne Oct 9 - write a drabble/ficlet about what Lorne is grateful for in his lover.
Word Count: 213
Rating: General Audiences
Summary: John Sheppard had a death wish.
Sheppard had a death wish.
It lurked inside of him, dancing around, lying quietly to let him do his job, but always still there, still waiting to be unleashed, no matter the consequences.
The Replicators knew it. They’d seen it in his mind, pulled the familiar fantasy out of him with their fingers and their thoughts. How many times had he saved Earth by destroying Atlantis in his daydreams. Thinking about it when he piloted the shuttle, when he rode the Daedalus back from Earth, John Sheppard saves the day. It was as if he felt they’d all like him more if he were a dead hero.
But he was here now. Alive. Lying next to Evan, warm and breathing, saved by chance from yet another close call. Evan would have been there if he could’ve, would have taken the bullet from the Genii gun, but he knew he couldn’t really save John.
No one could save John. Not from himself.
The best he could do was postpone the inevitable for a few days, a month, a year – and be happy for the hours in between now and then. So, for now, he lay beside him, quietly grateful for another night, another sunrise, another day for John to feed the monster within him.